Greetings, my friend,
Welcome to The Arsenal, your bi-monthly resource for training and equipping you to live a set-apart lifestyle and do mighty things for the Kingdom of God!
⚔️ Today’s Training: How to Biblically Love
Two weeks ago, we discussed how there’s been a major shift in the romance culture in today’s world (especially America), and how, unfortunately, there’s been a lot of disruption and resentment building due to traditional gender roles being tossed aside.
We also discussed how, in addition to this problem, we modern humans have also become much more carnally-minded. Especially men. It’s changed how we view the opposite sex: primarily with how our first inclinations aren’t always to treat and respect the woman the way she deserves, but to find a way to seduce her so we can satisfy our desires.
As a believer in the Most High Elohim, I would strongly argue that there needs to be some major reform with romance in our society: not just a return to traditional gender roles, but simultaneously, a return to respecting one another as made in Yahweh’s image and truly loving one another as ourselves (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 22:38-40).
So what does that even look like? Where do we begin?
Simple: with the Holy Scriptures.
Although many won’t like to admit it, most of our morals in today’s world come from the Bible! As do many of the traditional roles, forms of respect, and ways to love our neighbor that once helped make America so great and provide our society with peak levels of prosperity and happiness. So it only makes sense we return to Scripture!
I’ve developed a three-step, practical process rooted in biblical truths for helping heal society and ground it back into what helped make us great. Armed with the verses, concepts, and principles included in them, I believe we’ll be one step closer to where we want to be!
Let’s get started with some action steps.
Step 1: Recognize Who We Are as Humans
“[26] Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ [27] So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
“[12] But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, [13] who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”
“Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.”
“[13] For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. [14] I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. [15] My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. [16] Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
To return to a better culture, we MUST first recognize that all of us are made in Yahweh’s image!
These verses speak a stark contrast to how people view each other in today’s sexual culture: in a romantic sense, many people subconsciously view each other almost as objects for their emotional and sexual needs, rather than a unique, beautiful, hand-made creation of God that He patterned after Himself! This idea restores tremendous value to human life and dignity, and should make us think twice about how we view and interact with the opposite sex.
We also have to remember that not only should one treat a person made in the image of God with utmost respect, but both people are made in His image and represent Him! And for those who truly believe, repent, and walk in the ways of righteousness, Scripture calls us His children!
CONSIDER: Are you truly walking in the fact that you represent our Lord and Savior, the Creator of the universe and of mankind, both physically and spiritually? And in what ways does that carry over into how you treat those around you of the opposite sex?
Step 2: Love One Another, and In All Purity
Once we recognize the intrinsic value of every single human being you’ll ever interact with, the question becomes: What should the unconditional love we’re called to as followers of Yeshua look like in relation to the opposite sex? Especially if you’re unmarried?
Scripture has some answers for us:
“[9] Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. [10] Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
“[1] Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, [2] older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.”
“[22] Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, [23] since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God;”
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
Now that stuff is countercultural. Modern romance can be so self-serving: too often, it involves two people with different visions for their relationship trying to make it work so they can meet each other’s sexual and emotional needs. There can be a lot of clashing over lifestyle or communication choices that don’t consider the other person enough or at all because there’s a skewed, selfish perspective on what it means to be in love.
Additionally, while two people may often tell each other “I love you,” how much of that is rooted in physical attraction, as a result of having their needs met, or when they make the other person feel happy in other ways? What if we made that statement sacred by saying it even when things aren’t always great, because “I love you” actually means something! It means long-term commitment, it means sacrifice to maintain the relationship, it means admitting you’re wrong sometimes, and it means doing hard things you don’t want to do because you cherish the person’s heart and identity as God’s handiwork and a child of the Most High, not just the physical container for their soul!
While sexual attraction is natural and designed by the Father, and while interaction with the opposite sex may eventually lead to a romantic, marriage-focused relationship (as it should!), as believers, we should put one thing in practice to help keep healthy boundaries, especially among singles: let the commonality of the mutual likeness of the image of Yah and identity in Messiah guide your conversations, boundaries, and subsequent respect for the opposite sex.
By putting this into practice and treating one another with the utmost respect for one another as a unique creation, we naturally follow the biblical standard of purity that doesn’t put such heavy emphasis on the carnal desires of the flesh, but rather, allows us to treat and experience each other in the fullness of the unique personalities Yahweh gave to each of us!
What’s more, if the Father does lead a man and a woman to enter the covenantal relationship of marriage, and fulfillment of sexual desires enters the picture, this standard sets a wonderful foundation for the marriage in helping them experience and enjoy each other in a healthy, complete way! Not just as lovers, but also as friends and two people striving after holiness and building something for the Kingdom of God in unison.
Step 3: Serve One Another
You may have been wondering what THE “biblical love language” I've been building up to is, especially after seeing the progression of how to build healthy relationships and dynamics with the opposite sex.
But the truth is, this biblical love language is not only one of the best things you can exhibit toward your significant other or spouse, it goes beyond just the opposite sex; ultimately, what I’m about to present is not only the way to love any human we interact with, but also how Yahweh Himself wishes to be loved.
Without further ado, allow me to unveil it: sacrificial servitude.
When it comes to forms of love and respect, biblical figures from the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament can teach us a lot, starting as early as Genesis!
“[9] While he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherdess. [10] Now as soon as Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, Jacob came near and rolled the stone from the well’s mouth and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother. [11] Then Jacob kissed Rachel and wept aloud.”
Jacob is a prominent biblical figure, and arguably one of the most important: Not only was he one of the people Yahweh personally met and reaffirmed His covenant with, but Jacob also fathered the nation of Israel we read about in the Scriptures. So it’s fair to hold him in high regard!
And what was his response to seeing such a beautiful woman, one he felt extremely attracted to? It wasn’t to immediately try to satisfy his sexual desires, but rather, sacrificially serve her. And what he did was no easy task! With no running water back then, and the fact that herds of sheep were often quite large, it would’ve taken Jacob quite some time to draw enough water so all of the sheep could drink what they needed. And remember, this was his initial reaction to seeing her! As a man striving after biblical holiness and righteousness myself, and engaged to such a beautiful young lady, I found this especially noteworthy.
But what greater example to look to than the One who is mighty to save us and become our personal Lord and Savior, Yeshua Messiah, the Son of God! He actually has some good words to say on this topic, and following His lead and example will always bear us great results:
“[25] But Jesus called them to him and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. [26] It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, [27] and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, [28] even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.’”
“[12] When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, ‘Do you understand what I have done to you? [13] You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. [14] If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. [15] For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. [16] Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. [17] If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.’”
Did you catch John chapter 13 verse 15? He tells us plain and simple that He’s given us an example! And He commands us to wash one another’s feet. But what does that mean in its metaphorical sense?
In ancient Israel, foot washing was a custom performed as a show of hospitality due to the dusty environments of the Middle East. What’s so significant about Yeshua washing His disciples’ feet was that traditionally, it was the bondservants or slaves who washed the guests’ feet because it was considered the “lowest” of all chores, as feet were considered the most unclean part of the body.
So what does this mean for us loving others? It means that if we seek to be like our Savior, as the Apostle Paul exhorts us to be (1 Corinthians 11:1), we must sacrifice our time, desires, and especially our pride in an effort to show just how much we love each other. And think about how especially true this is when interacting with and showing respect toward the opposite sex! How can we strive to exercise this in both platonic and romantic relationships with them?
Epistles from the apostles of Yeshua’s time understood this concept and what it means for marriages in particular! Hence, the following passages that create the traditional gender roles within marriage most of us are familiar with. But pay close attention to what both the husband and wife are called to do:
“[22] Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. [25] Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26] that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27] so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28] In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, [30] because we are members of his body.”
“[1] Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, [2] when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
“[7] Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
A common theme shared between both the husband and wife is, once again, showing honor to the other person and serving them, in their own unique way: wives by laying down their wishes and desires in honor of the husband’s leadership, and the husbands laying down their wishes and desires to show love their wives in whatever way they feel loved in, just as they would love themselves and seek to meet their own wants.
Not only would everyone following these principles help restore functional, biblical truth back into society, but it would also help restore unity, functionality, and happiness back into so many courtships, marriages, and environments where secular culture reigns!
May it be our prayer that the Spirit moves throughout this country and the whole world and wakes them up to what once made our societies so great, peaceful, and functional! And may He create a world where the sanctity of marriage and child-bearing is restored and families aren’t torn apart by infidelity, divorce, and sexual abuse; a world where men and women can once again respect, honor, and serve each other despite socio-political issues of generations past; and a world where the true value of human life is recognized once again and we all fall down in worship before the throne of the Almighty God of Israel in one mind as brothers and sisters.
Hey friends, it’s Becka again! Something my best friend and I have discussed in the past (before I was dating Zach) was how can we, as young, single women, practice submission and servitude to men/our future husband? Men often have numerous opportunities to practice servitude before entering a relationship. For example, when a guy sees a girl and finds her attractive, or wishes to get to know her better for a potential long-term relationship, he generally does everything he can to show love and servitude to her. He opens the door for her, pulls out her chair, helps her in and out of her coat, carries her bags, brings her flowers, and might even help put on her shoes. When a girl likes a guy, she doesn’t offer to make him lunch, do his laundry, decorate his house and make it homey, or ask him what she should do with her life. And that’s a good thing, because that would be weird. But if she’s not doing some of these loving “wife things” that young women find enjoyment in doing for their husbands (maybe minus the laundry), then what is she doing? What can she practice? Who can she practice on?
She can practice submitting to and encouraging the men in her life to roles of leadership and authority. Part of a woman’s act of servitude is laying down her own wants and desires so that a man can lead in his proper role. We often think of servitude as a physical act of helping someone, like doing dishes for your mom or making dinner for your spouse. But it doesn’t have to be limited to that, and a woman’s role of servitude goes far beyond that. By stepping down from a role of authority to let a man, like your brother, get a chance to lead instead, you are directly serving that man by saying, “Hey, I will give up my ideas to make room for yours.” And that’s beautiful.
The most immediate people to practice this on are your father and/or brothers, if you can. Your father is relatively easy. He tells you to go help your mom make dinner or asks you to clean his truck, and you do it. But your brothers, especially if they’re your younger brothers…now that’s a different story. Especially as the oldest daughter, laying down your authoritative role as the firstborn child so that your younger brother can step up takes a great deal of discipline and humility. And sometimes you won’t want to do it. But how can you learn to be a serving, submissive wife, and he learn to be a strong, masculine leader if you don’t practice these roles before you’re married and on your own?
You can even do this to male friends as well, like letting them come up with the strategy for a game, or be a spokesperson for some event. And girls, this doesn’t mean you’re stepping out of the spotlight and into the shadows. Sometimes, the one in the back who is encouraging and cheering people on is the one who shines the brightest.
I hope and pray this message spoke to you and encouraged you to revisit and potentially reimagine your habits and thought patterns, even if you’re in a committed, godly courtship or marriage!
The truth is, regardless of our marital status, we are not immune to our flesh, and we are in constant war against it and its desires, no matter how healthy our relationships with the opposite sex or our Heavenly Father may be.
Mindsets like the ones Becka and I presented today, if you truly strive to apply them, will be the first step in making significant improvements in not just the culture around us, but perhaps even your own personal life and relationships as well! But at the end of the day, it’s our Almighty Elohim, Yahweh of Hosts, who supplies the strength to us to be able to make radical changes. Don’t forget to rely on the power He’s placed within you through His Spirit!
Be blessed.
