Greetings, my friend,
Welcome to The Arsenal, your bi-monthly resource for training and equipping you to live a set-apart lifestyle and do mighty things for the Kingdom of God!
⚔️ Today’s Training:
“The way of a man with a maiden”
The way between a man and a woman in love is something incredibly valuable to society. Ultimately, it’s how the world keeps on going and how you’re reading this today!
But the way that mankind, both men and women, have gone about their relationships and journey with the opposite sex has certainly seen a drastic shift in recent decades.
If you were able to travel back in time, even as recent as 70-80 years ago, you would witness a stark contrast to today’s culture!
Generally:
Both men and women largely respected each other and themselves, in a romantic or platonic sense, and they acted like it: Both genders dressed well and modestly, and spoke politely and appropriately to one another; men exhibited chivalrous acts of servitude, and women were receptive to these acts.
The man was respected as the rightful leader, head, and provider of the household and family. Wives often deferred to and submitted to their husbands for leadership of the family, as well as other important matters, as a form of respect for them.
Most women were stay-at-home mothers and housewives, while the men went off to work each day to put food on the table and provide a roof over everyone’s head. Women also spent a lot of their time in childhood and teen years learning valuable skills like cooking, baking, sewing, cleaning, and other things related to important household responsibilities.
Marriage was extremely important, sacred, and honorable in the eyes of society and was viewed and celebrated as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman. And it was considered the goal of any romantic relationship.
Children were viewed as a joy, and procreation was something married couples were expected to do of their own accord, aside from cultural norms.
Now compare this list to what today’s secular culture among young adults is exhibiting, and almost all the time, you’ll find the complete opposite!
With the rise of modern feminism and the pushing of these mindsets through modern education, entertainment, advertising, and social media, many women have developed a superiority complex over men. This leaves them with an inherent disgust at the idea of a man leading or being in charge of them in anything, and they believe they’re way better off without a man in their life, and that they can do absolutely anything men can.
Consequently, men who attempt to take charge or be a leader in their homes, jobs, or other areas in modern day are often shunned and even disciplined by those around them or their superiors. While at the same time also being labeled as “toxic,” “a misogynist,” and even being canceled (fired from jobs, banned from social media, denied certain opportunities, and in extreme cases, even having bank accounts closed on them!)
More women are being pushed and are choosing to leave the family life behind and pursue the corporate career path more than ever before.
Due to the sexual revolution, men have become less-motivated to embrace their masculinity and their traditional roles within their jobs, marriages, and parenthood. Ultimately, it leaves many men feeling powerless and defeated. As a result, too many men have become passive, ineffective, and even effeminate in all of these areas under the influence of female leadership, which has worsened and indirectly contributed to the cultural disruption of our modern era.
In modern romance, marriage is viewed negatively as burdensome, restrictive, and even incompatible with many. As a result, chaos can ensue from two people leading completely different lives due to non-commitment from one another, but being together solely to gratify sexual needs and have companionship.
While it’s certainly not a sin to do the opposite of some of these things (i.e. a woman, especially an unmarried woman, working a job), the traditional way of conduct between men and women in romantic and platonic relationships has maintained order, productivity, and efficiency in society for millennia. And many societies have experienced prosperity under these “old-fashioned” systems.
And the worst part? We’ve forgotten how to respect the opposite sex along the way.
An example: Too often, women are viewed and treated as objects by men who lack self-control and just want their sexual needs met, not to treat the woman for the living soul that she is. On the contrary, women often dress and act in a provocative manner for attention that makes it even easier for lustful men to give into their flesh. It’s an endless cycle that naturally leads to both genders building resentment for one another.
And this is already happening! Social media content and podcast interviews from Gen Z and Gen Alpha are beginning to reveal that both genders are indeed harboring resentment toward one another in some areas: men are feeling disrespected and unheard in the modern, pro-feminist culture, and women continue to hate men who are “lording” over them. This underlying mutual contention is destructive to any restoration of the mutual respect for one another that made previous generations so great. And if we don’t work to reverse the course we’re on, it will have lasting consequences on our society’s future.
So, what happened? How did we get to this point?
The answer is simple: A lack of discipline. We’ve forgotten how to behave ourselves, and we’ve become more carnally-minded in our conduct. We’ve learned to only look at and desire to experience the physical aspects of someone we’re romantically interested in, and we often gloss over or even neglect the other aspects of romance that make it so beautiful.
One factor in this issue is the rise of constant and abundant forms of entertainment in our modern technological age. Many people today have had their minds filled with fantasies and a warped view of love and relationships with the opposite sex that feed our carnal desires. And sadly, many of us now lack emotional and sexual discipline because of it. Gen Z and Gen Alpha especially wish for and prioritize the physical and emotional connection of marriage, but all without the “risk” of a permanent, formal commitment to just one person. After all, why try to actually settle down and make a meaningful, fulfilling life with someone when you have other “options”?
Another factor is that today’s society of younger folk is the evolution of what began in recent generations past: The degeneracy we’re experiencing today, at its core, is nothing new. Not only has humanity always had cultures that revolve around sexual pleasures (i.e. Sodom and Gomorrah), but seeds were already being planted among Gen X and even some Baby Boomers thanks to the start of the Sexual Revolution and the rise of digital, widespread, and secular entertainment. And I believe that because of that, habits sprouted from those seeds and lack of discipline and unawareness of these potential problems were subconsciously passed down to their children and grandchildren. And what we’re seeing today is the bloom of the plant that was grown from the seed planted that predates Gen Z and Gen Alpha.
Hey everyone, it's Becka again! I wanted to add onto this and elaborate a bit more on the female side of things and how it negatively impacts us as women. I love being able to come on here alongside Zach and talk about this stuff, because I'm super passionate about this too! I specifically enjoy giving insight to the feminine side. As a man, Zach often comes on here and writes either to the general population (because I know we have both male and female readers!) or more to men. And so I've kind of made it my job to write more to the girls and women here so that you each receive the specialized advice you deserve.
Now that being said, I strongly encourage the men to read this and take it to heart as well! It is extremely beneficial to know how the other gender thinks and what their needs and wants are. Not only because you'll come into contact with other genders, but some of you literally have spouses, and it will honestly do you wonders to know how the other gender thinks and processes things. It helps further greater understanding, patience, and love. So please don't skim this because it's “to women!” In fact, this time most of my thoughts are actually going to be directed towards the men.
Okay now for my actual thoughts. When I was reading everything Zach wrote, I got to the part where he was talking about how people will often get together and live two completely different lives, yet stay together because of emotional and sexual needs. He also mentioned how people get together because of physical/sexual attraction, and how they think marriage is “too risky” because it's permanent. Let me just say, as woman that sounds very scary and uncertain. As Zach mentioned in his previous newsletter, he and I are engaged and going to be married this summer. And I'm beyond excited! However, as the wedding date approaches, I found myself getting slightly nervous about the physical aspects of marriage, even though we will be in covenant with one another. And I just can't imagine doing anything physical with someone outside of marriage. Let's look at this from the two different world views Zach presented above.
If I were to give myself away before marriage, everything is all about physical appearance. I would say I'm in good shape, but everyone has aspects of themselves they want to work on, and I'm no different. The amount of pressure I would feel if I was with someone just because they thought I was physically attractive would be insane. Based on modern society, if I did something with a guy and he wasn't pleased with me, he could just as easily drop me and get with someone else. I can't imagine having to worry so much about how I looked just to please a man who only cared about me physically. That is so shallow and unhealthy, and leaves the girl in an extremely vulnerable place of uncertainty, doubt, and probably depression down the road.
But if we were talking about how the BIBLE says to do things, this story would be different. Where the world only thinks of physical appearance, a godly man will see so much more in you. He won't fall in love with you just because you look pretty (although that might help), but he'll fall in love with your voice, your laugh, your character, your kindness, your fiery personality, and your strong relationship with the Father. When you get married and have that added physical side, there is way less stress and pressure to measure up. Yes you still want to be physically pleasing for your husband, but now that you're in a marriage covenant, you don't have to be scared that he's going to leave you because your body isn't perfect or toss you aside because of your looks. By then he's fallen in love with you for so much more! And if you aren't physically perfect, really he probably won’t care. Because all those other aspects he loves about you will shine through. And honestly, if the Father wants you to marry someone specific, He has a way of making you in a way that is physically pleasing to your husband and matches up with his ideals.
Do you see the difference? There is way less pressure in a marriage covenant! You know you can relax and be vulnerable with this person because they truly love you for who you are, not just your body. I know that thought helped me so much recently with pre-marriage jitters. I don't have to stress about being physically perfect, because he already loves me for who I am in the Father. It's so mentally comforting to know that someone is here for the long haul, not just for a few years of pleasure before dumping you and getting with someone else.
So my advice to you? Don't fall for quick pleasure. Search long term. Not only does it bring so much metal and emotional stability and comfort, but it's how the Father designed it to work. And if He designed it that way, you know it's not worth it any other way.
So, what’s the solution? How do we break the chain?
I’m of the opinion that our faith in the ability of the Almighty God of Israel changes everything.
And as many of you already know, the Bible has a LOT to say on having godly relationships, marriage, and sexual intimacy. And from personal experience, I believe the Scriptures hold the key to bringing society to a greater position of love for our neighbor and prosperity than ever before, if only we’d listen to its ancient wisdom!
Because America is predominantly and historically a Christian nation, most of our morals that helped shape our society and make our nation so great come from Scripture itself! So for those of us who are discontent with the current state of affairs in how society treats romance today, the ball is in your court: it starts with you and knowing what the Word says!
How can you make a difference in the culture around you today?
Let’s break it down in the next article, coming your way very soon.
Be blessed.
